


Dreams and Nightmares

by Sar863



Category: The Cruel Prince, The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Book 1: The Cruel Prince, Book 2: The Wicked King, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2019-08-29 12:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16743802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sar863/pseuds/Sar863
Summary: "The adrenaline I felt earlier when I took a man’s life is nothing next to this. This is a want so deep, it feels pointless to fight it."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A quick one short post The Cruel Prince. Comment and let me know if you would like to see this turned into a series! 
> 
> Enjoy!

I don’t know when I became this person. 

Broken.  
Angry.  
Alone.

Maybe it was the day Madoc killed my parents. Maybe it was the day I looked into Carden’s eyes as I betrayed him. Never breaking eye contact. Or maybe I was just born like this. All fire and fury. With no real space inside my heart for empathy or love.

There’s blood under my fingernails and even more stains my tunic. I don’t bother to change. I don’t stop to think about the assassin and his begging eyes or the desperate scream he made as I plunged my knife into his heart. 

No, I can’t.  
I won’t. 

Because he had tried to kill me. So I killed him. Because that’s how things work in this world. This is what I need to be to survive. The slash on my cheek from his knife burns and I’m certain there's dried blood coating my skin and bruising around my right eye. I’m sure I look a mess. 

But I have to show up. I must be at every meeting. They can’t think I’m weak or easily killed. 

He can’t think it. 

I knock on the ornate door once and wait only a moment before pushing it open and slinking inside. The room is dim as always. There are fairies everywhere. Most strung out on an array of drinks and poisons. Gold stains their mouths. It’s a scene I'm used to. One I expect. I make my way around the rooms and find him. Laying on a velvet couch in his bedroom. Alone apart from the wine glass in hand. Eyes slightly closed. White shirt splayed open down the front. No gold coats his lips but he is certainly drunk as he almost always is. 

“Your majesty…” I say. My voice is strong and loud. His eyes fully pop open but are dazed. I don’t give him time to look at me before I begin our evening report. “There has been no movement in the other courts to report. The trade ships have come in as scheduled this afternoon and your brother’s guards report all is stable at his location.” I don’t wait for a response. Most nights he barely acknowledges me.

I move to turn away and an arm reaches out and grabs my hand. So quickly it’s hard to believe he is drunk. He jerks me harshly towards him. His body sitting up and lowering mine simultaneously. Our faces stopping inches apart.

“And your face?” he questions. His eyes travel the length of the cut before moving to meet my eyes. 

“A fight,” I answer. My words cold and empty. “I won.” At that, he smirks. 

“That I could tell.” The humor in his voice dancing around the air. He raises our entwined hands closer to his face. He looks at my nails closely, nostrils slightly flaring, as his fingers drag across my palm. I push the shiver away as best I can. “This blood isn’t yours.” My mouth lightly falls open and my brows furrow in disbelief and some amazement.

“You know the smell of my blood?” I ask. My voice a bit shaky. His eyes move back to mine. Slowly. Like a predator. His hand slips from mine and moves to my waist. He digs his nails into my skin and licks his lips at the same time. Even though the fabric of my shirt, his touch sets my skin on fire. My stomach twists. 

Before I can move away, his yanks me down onto the couch. My back hitting the soft fabric. I try to pull away but he moves lightning-fast and pins my hands at my sides. His body slowly moves over mine. His white shirt dangles open and all I can see is black hair, skin, and mischief in his eyes. A cat cornering its mouse.

His head drops and his nose move to the side of my face near the cut. He breathes in deeply before exhaling into me. His warm breath traveling across my ear and down my neck. I close my eyes and arch my back to move closer to him. My body betraying me. 

“Not just the smell…” his lips move against the cut as he speaks. His deep voice slamming into my soul, “I can taste it in the air.” His tongue slightly brushes the cut and I’m horrified at the small moan I make. “Iron, salt, and human. So disgustingly human.” His hand's release mine and I can’t even think to push him away. 

He pushes his hips down into me and my fingers reach for his skin. Our bodies move against each other and I feel like I’m on fire as I drag my nails down his chest. The adrenaline I felt earlier when I took a man’s life is nothing next to this. This is a want so deep, it feels pointless to fight it. 

“But there is something else about you that I can taste.” He breathes in deeply as if absorbing my scent into his soul. He lifts his head and brings a hand to my face. His thumb drags across my bottom lip as the rest of his fingers grip my throat. His eyes watching his thumb moving before they turn to mine. They are on fire and burn into me. “I can taste your mouth. I’m haunted by it. You’re my worst addiction, Jude.” 

His lips are on mine in an instant. The kiss is deep and crushing. I pull at his waist. Pull him as close to me as I can. My legs wrapping around him as our tongues slide against each other. I feel everything. It’s heat and fire and terrifying. 

“Carden...” my voice comes out in a gasp as his hand slides down my collarbone. He pushes his hips deeper into mine. A growl coming from the back of his throat and I am certain this is the most reckless and dangerous thing I’ve ever done. His hand moves lower down my chest and I can’t contain the moan that erupts from me as his finger drag across my body with only the thin tunic between his skin and my own. 

Suddenly, his hands stop moving. He pulls away from me and looks down at where it rests.

“Your heartbeat,” his voice comes out in a ragged whisper. I look up at him in confusion. My hands falling to my side. “Your heartbeat is like music.” He leans down and kisses me deeply. Slowly. It’s painful and broken and I want to drown inside of it. He breaks the kiss but keeps his lips so close that when he says his next words they brush on top of mine. “How can you be both my nightmare and dream?”

And in an instant, he moves off of me and out the room. I register the sound of a door slamming somewhere but I am too lost to care. I lay there for what feels like a lifetime. Hair a mess. Blood covering me. My body on fire. 

Broken.  
Angry.  
Alone.


	2. Nightmares Come True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all - thank you for the amazing feedback on the first chapter. I really went back and forth with adding another and hopefully, this one is also enjoyed. I believe I will tack on one more after this as there is room for more angst. Hehe.
> 
> Comment and Like!

Nightmares. I’ve had them for as long as I could remember. Shadows chasing after me. Blood coating my hands. My mother screaming as a sword plunges into her. They’ve always followed me. They have made me who I am. But in the nine months, I spent exiled my nightmares changed.

Most nights when I would close my eyes I would see him.

I would see him and I would know him. I loved him and we had a life together. The one I could never admit to hoping for. I would wear a crown of golden flowers. We shared a bed. We leaned on each other. Some nights there was even a child.

And then I would wake up. And I would be alone on the small couch in Viv’s apartment. And the nightmares would shatter me all over again. I would stay up for hours tearing myself into pieces. Asking the same questions over and over. _How did I let this happen? How did I miss it? The plotting behind my back. The moves he was making to take me down. How he had managed to manipulate every truth he told into a lie._

But I always came to the same conclusion. I missed it because I had done something far more stupid. I had fallen in love with him. And I was left betrayed by it.

Angry.  
Broken.  
Alone.

That was the cycle I lived in. For months on end. I would sleep, wake and walk at night alone. Trying to clear my head. Thinking of a plan for revenge. Telling myself that I wasn’t in love with him. Not anymore. And hours later I would return home exhausted and sleep the day away.

That was until tonight. Until this late-night walk. Currently, I am laying on the sidewalk bleeding out. My assassin next to me crumpled in a heap. Dead. The same state I will soon be in myself. I can feel it. I can feel it with every heartbeat. The coldness creeps in and I know with certainty, I’m dying.

My eyes grow heavy. I have to tell myself to take the next breath and the one after. I look up and try to focus on the stars but the sky is full of clouds and it’s just as well. I don’t think I’ve been good enough person to live among them.

“Carden…” I whisper. It’s gargled and I strain as I swallow my blood. My eyes close finally and I think I feel something warm around me suddenly and I think I smile. If this warmth is death than perhaps it won’t always be so dark.

  
\------------------

My eyes fly open. I suck in a deep breath of air. My lungs burning. My side screaming at me. I let out a small cry as the pain hits me. A wave of nausea racks through me and I can’t think clearly. The world around me spins. Something cold is pressed against my cheek and I try to focus my vision. Vivi.

“Jude, shh sh sh sh sh… I know it hurts. I know. Don’t move.” I focus on her voice. On her eyes. My hands reach up and I grab at her wrist that’s holding a damp cloth against my face.

“Am I dead?” I ask. My voice is broken and small. She looks at me, shaking her head.

“No, no you aren’t. You’re going to be ok. I promise.” She reaches her hand out and brushes away tears I didn’t realize were falling. I feel my eyes get heavy again and they start to close. I only have a second to register I’m not in the human world anymore. I’m in his.

\-------------------

I wake up slower this time. The room is darker than before. The soft glow of candlelight makes it hard to see clearly. I’m in pain but it’s the manageable kind. I slowly sit up clutching my side as I move. I feel like my body is made of lead. Like parts of it aren’t mine.

I look around and lock eyes with him sitting across the room. He is glaring at me. Anger pulsing at the edges of his pupils. I drop my eyes quickly, not sure I have the strength for him right now but quickly look back up. I need to take in my surroundings. I did kill his brother after all.

I glance around the space and notice two things. Firstly, there are piles of gauze on the side table drenched in my blood. Secondly, we are alone. I look back at him meeting his gaze and arch an eyebrow at him. What else can I do? I’m wounded, trying to kill him isn’t an option. Besides, he exiled me. It’s his move.

He holds my gaze for a moment longer before he leans forward, his elbows sitting on his knees. His hands covering his face. I can see my blood on his pale hands from across the room. He stays like that for a long moment before pushing himself off the couch. The one he had kissed on so many months ago. He steps towards me purposefully. His eyes shooting daggers into mine. He stops at the end of the bed looking down at me. His hand's fisting and unfisting at his side.

“You almost died,” is all he says.

“I know,” I say because it’s the truth. I had never been so close before. So tired. He turns from me and looks out the darkened window. His jaw clenching. Suddenly whatever emotion he is feeling infuriates me. “I’m sorry, but are you mad at me right now?” I ask. My eyebrows furrowing. Leave it to Cardan to be mad at me in this scenario. He turns back to me, fire in his eyes. I’m certain I hear the sound of distant thunder.

“Of course I am,” his voice is deadly calm. “What were you doing walking alone in the dark Jude? Do you have a death wish? Did you think they wouldn't send someone to kill you eventually?” I feel my mouth fall open in shock.

“What? You exiled me to the human world Cardan. What was I supposed to do, sit at home all day waiting for your forgiveness?” My voice shakes from the pain.

“I thought you would avoid a knife to the gut at least.” His voice is cold and angry. His eyes stare down at me but I see them flinch. I follow his gaze registering for the first time that I’m not in my clothing anymore. Everything has been removed minus my underwear and a giant piece of gauze covering most of my left side. I reach out for blanket quickly and the movement causes me to let out a shriek of pain. I feel the tears well in my eyes and suddenly I am so angry I could care less about my attire. I slam my fist into the mattress.

“I hate this,” I say weakly. “I hate all of this.” I look towards the ceiling and close my eyes. I want to be anywhere but here. The tears stream quietly and I don’t care how he sees me or what he thinks. I’m too human to play these games anymore. A few moments pass and I feel a blanket being draped over me. I keep my eyes closed and pull it tightly to me. I’ve never felt smaller in my life.

Suddenly, his weight is on the bed and he sits next to me. I open my eyes and look straight into his. They are red-rimmed and blown wide open.

“Please, don’t ever do that to me again,” his voice in a ragged whisper. I want to pretend like I don’t understand. As if I wouldn’t get why he cared what happened to me. But I’m tired.

“You can’t protect me forever,” I whisper back. “I’m human.”

“I thought sending you away would at least give you the chance to live some kind of life,” his voice is quiet. His eyes holding mine. “You know why it did it, don't you?”

“Of course I do,” I reply. I slowly try to lean back on the pillow propped up behind me. My breath hitches, my eyes closing in pain. His warm hands are on me instantly. Wrapping around my waist and lower back, giving added support. I open my eyes and our faces are so close I can feel his warm breath across my face.

His eyes search mine for a long moment. Desperate. They move to my lips and he leans forward. Careful not to move the mattress. His lips brush mine slowly. I let him. Kiss him back even. It is a simple kiss but I can feel the passion burn inside of it.

Suddenly I remember the exile. The lies. My teeth clamp onto his bottom lip. Hard. Too hard to be anything suggestive. He growls into my mouth and pulls away. His hands slowly pull out from underneath me. But he moves carefully, being sure not to move the bed or hurt me.

“That’s for the lies…” I snap. He glares at me, his lip bloody from my bite. He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off. “And don’t tell me that you can’t lie. And when I am strong enough to get out of this bed I am going to stab you.”

“Stab me. But not kill me?” He questions with a smirk.

“Shut up and let me rest you prick,” I say with a huff. I am exhausted. I can already feel my eyes getting heavy.

“Fine,” he says simply. He grabs my hand and quickly lifts it to his lips kissing it in a mock bow. His blood from my bite staining my skin. The same way mine marks his. “But I will have you know that when you are well enough to get out of this bed, you will be very busy being a Queen. My Queen.” He says pulling away and dropping my hand. My mouth hangs open as he heads towards the door to leave. He swings it open before turning to face me. He gives a small bow of his head his eyes never letting mine go. “And you should be ready dearest, Jude. For I intend to show my Queen all the pleasures the power of the crown can offer.”

The door slams behind him. I stare at it blankly for a few moments before sinking deeper into the pillows. My mind racing. My heart trembling.

Though the window, the lightning lights up the sky.


	3. Chapter 3

The afternoon sunlight streams in through the curtains dancing across my face. I can feel the light through my eyelids and despite my desire to sleep longer, my eyes flutter open. The sun is just setting and through the open window, I can hear an owl call out. A cool spring breeze enters the room smelling of jasmine letting me know the new night has begun. 

I roll to my side and stare at the naked creature laying next to me. No crown. No gold on his lips or wine down his chin. He lays on his back and his breathing is even and peaceful. If you would have told me two years ago I would ever see him this way, I would have stabbed you for the lie. 

I reach out and run my hand up and down his chest a few times before his hand reaches for mine. Pulling it to his lips he kisses my fingers, his eyes still closed. 

“Good evening darling Jude,” he says between kisses. His voice is raspy and dark. I lean on my side, propping up on my elbow smiling at him. His hair is practically as long as mine is now. Raven black and wavy. Such a contrast to his skin. I lean forward and kiss his cheek lingering.

“Good evening,” I say my lips close enough that they touch his skin with every syllable. “You were in my dreams last night.” He smiles at my words and pulls me forward. Our bare chests meeting as I fully roll on top of him. His hands move down my side and settle at my hips. Giving them a squeeze I feel his tail wrap around my thigh.

“Your dream can only mean two things,” he says opening his eyes finally. “One, you are angry with me for something I haven’t done and you may stab me for it,” I raise an eyebrow at him in a challenge, “or you’re very happy with me for something I am more than willing to do.” At this, I lean forward and take his lips with my own kissing him deeply. Our bodies move slowly and I can’t help but be amazed at how it still feels like I'm falling. I pull back and move to sit, straddling him. He reaches up and casually runs a hand down my bare chest his hand stopping to lightly pinch and squeeze. “So what will it be this evening my Queen?” My back arches into his touches and I struggle to think clearly. 

“I was going to stab you,” I say. My voice is breathy. I allow for one more pleasurable touch before I swiftly move off of him and out of our bed lightning fast. He sits up trying to catch me but I move too quickly. “But I can think of other ways to torture you.” Winking at him I quickly dash to the washroom locking the door. I know he will be able to unlock the door and be pouncing on me at any moment but I take my small victory and smile at my reflection. 

A ruby ring sits on my finger and when we leave this room a tiara of golden flowers will sit on my head. We will wear fine clothes and appear stone-faced and cold. Ruling this world has been filled with challenges and we try our best to keep our love hidden from prying eyes. If they know how much we care for another, the price on my head would be priceless. But in these moments, I can be just Jude and he is Cardan. 

I walk to the already prepared bath and as I step in the door behind me opens. I turn and face Cardan, giving him one of my brightest smiles, a giggle on my lips. He pauses a moment and walks towards the bath. Stepping in with me he reaches our and I twist into his lap. He places kisses on my ear and breaths deeply.

"Are you happy Jude?" he asks. It's a question he asks often. 

"Yes," I say without hesitation. He kisses my ear again before reaching for the soap and begins lathering his hands. I lay my head back between his shoulder and neck closing my eyes. 

I am happy.  
I'm safe.  
I'm loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. A quick wrap up to how I hope it will all end but... probably not. Enjoy and comment please! Working on something else.


End file.
